Help for someone else
Concerned about someone you know?
If you suspect that someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse it can be very difficult to know how to approach that person, what to say, when to say it, but you don’t have to be an expert to support them. Here are a few tips to help you:
Importantly – if you or someone else is in immediate danger or if you witness abuse, you should always call 999.
Do’s & don’ts
- Do listen. Give a safe space to talk and let the person tell you what they need to, even if it is hard to hear, and believe them.
- Be patient if they don’t confide in you straight away and don’t push for any information before the other person is ready. It can take time for someone to recognise abuse.
- Try not to interrupt them, even if you have lots of questions. It is sometimes tempting to make plans and provide advice but try to resist this. Support and empower them to explore their feelings and make their own decisions.
- Do not tell them to leave, this has to be their decision, when the time is right, when it is safe to do so. Respect their decisions even if they aren’t the same ones you would make.
- Do not judge them or question their experiences. It is very difficult to open up about abuse and they might have tried to tell someone who ignored or didn’t believe them in the past.
- Remember that disclosing abuse is a process and every survivor’s journey is different.
- Be ready to give contact information for the Live Fear Free Helpline and/or the local specialist domestic abuse support service, such as MFCC, explain that they will be able to offer specialist support and up-to-date information.
- Keep in contact, so that they don’t become more isolated which is often a danger in an abusive relationship.
Remind them that domestic abuse is always the fault of the abuser.